Gretchen Rubin coined a concept that people broadly fall into two personality types: Abstainers or Moderators. Both types handle the management of choices and discipline very differently and by recognising which personality you best identify with can make a big difference in your life.
Abstinence vs. Moderation?
Abstainers are the black and white, either/or personalities who go all out, or find themselves not doing anything at all when faced with a decision or change.
These are people who find moderation difficult or unsustainable, no matter how hard they try.
Even when they buy into the idea of only one glass of wine with dinner and one cookie for pudding, they find themselves one bottle of wine and a number of cookies later & then will often berate themselves for breaking their set limit.
The spin-off effect is that abstainers will then often feel guilty about their lack of control or find themselves becoming militant about then having absolutely nothing the next time.
If this pattern sounds familiar, you are probably an Abstainer.
Moderators are the ‘little bit of everything’ type of people, they find the line of all or nothing, excessive and unnecessarily restrictive.
When faced with black and white choices, they find themselves rebelling against the harshness of denial, preferring a sampling of all on offer and defend their right to do so.
Moderators can dilute themselves with too many options, instead of doing one thing really well; or they find themselves loosing sight of the greater picture in all the smaller choices.
These people also battle to put clear boundaries in place in their lives and often fight the fear of missing out (FOMO) if they don’t have a finger in every pie available.
If this pattern sounds familiar, you are probably a Moderator.
“Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.
- Samuel Johnson ”
It is important to note that neither personality is better than the other. Both types can learn from each other, eventhough they will often try to convert each other, not understanding why the other would choose their approach.
The benefit of identifying which pattern you best relate to, becomes a guide to the kind of choices you make in your life.
Take the Test:
You are probably a Moderator if:
- Once you have set a limit for yourself, you find it easy to have a little bit of something and then stop even before being fully satiated.
- You find yourself rebelling against strict rules, preferring guidelines as an alternative .
- The 80/20 guide (Be healthy 80% of the time, indulge within reason, 20% of the time) is your motto to life.
- The idea of a little goes a long way appeals to you.
- You thrive on the opportunity to manage your choices as feels appropriate at the time.
You are probably an Abstainer if:
- You see the world in a black or white kind of way, steering clear of grey areas.
- Once you've started, you find it difficult to stop something.
- Once you've made your mind up about something, your decision is clear and final.
- You find temperance and moderation difficult to sustain.
- You thrive on clearly defined boundaries in your life.
“Ultimately when you understand your basic underlying nature of abstinence or moderation, setting a boundary or managing your life balance, becomes clearer and easier to sustain.
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